turpanzhan

turpanzhan

On 9/11 I was traveling in Xingjiang Province in China, waiting for the night train from Turpan Zhan to Dunhuang. By chance, there was an Internet cafe next to the train station, so I went in and found a computer between some Chinese soldiers and a young Uyghur man chatting online with friends. Most Western news organizations were blocked in China, but Excite.com, where I had an email account, somehow got past the censors. When the page loaded, I saw the news that the WTC had been hit by a plane.

It just so happened that my girlfriend in Japan (now my wife) was online and so she relayed to me the news she was watching on her television. Occasionally, I would look around, only to find that the Chinese world was still unaware of what was happening on the other side of the planet.

When it came time to board my train, I was left in the dark. How many more planes were out there? Who was doing it? What would the world look like when I had a chance to check the Internet the next day. Looking around at the Chinese web surfers, I knew that nobody within hundreds of miles had heard the news. In fact, it would be another day before the Muslim inhabitants of Western China were allowed to hear about the attacks. And so, I had only my dark thoughts on that long, lonely trip.

Posted by zanzo on 2007-01-26 09:09:25

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“Toolbox Murders” – Inspiration for the Nuclear Powered Combat Chainsaw

This pathetic little plastic toy chainsaw, a relic of a brief period of "kinder, gentler" weapons, could not even cut through a warm stick of butter. Properly "scaled up" , though, it inspired the Nuclear Powered Combat Chainsaw, capable of cutting a Main Battle Tank in two with one lazy stroke.

1) upgrade the bar from under 2 inches to 8 feet

2) upgrade the cutting teeth to 5-inch razor sharp "shark teeth" fabricated from diamond dust coated titanium carbide

3) upgrade the spring motor to a computer controlled high torque electronically commutated 12-phase electric motor powered by a 100 megawatt portable nuclear reactor

4) offset alternate cutting teeth laterally to maximize cherf removal rate

5) add piezo-electric actuators to vibrate the teeth sideways to prevent seizing and stalling

After these simple upgrades you have a saw that is capable of producing more than "minor temporary inconvenience". Featured in the upcoming motion picture "Blood Bath Beach Meatcleaver Machete Toolbox Murder Chainsaw Massacre: A Love Story".

"Who will survive and what will be left of them?"

"You can’t take it any more.
The arms are spinning on the floor.
That’s what the chainsaw massacre
………………………………………..is for"

(As performed by me in a hotel lobby in Seville, Spain on New Years Eve 1988 along with appropriate insane cannibal mass murderer gestures.)

Added December 2013 — the performance was 25 years ago today!!

Posted by ramalama_22 on 2012-10-23 00:02:22

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