Building Trust After An Affair – Transparency Is The Key
Are you finding the perfect way to get that trust back from your partner? It may seem unlikely, but transparency might just be the answer. Relationship expert Dr. Frank Gunzburg, in his book entitled “How to Survive an Affair,” mentioned that transparency is the key to building trust after an affair. According to the dictionary, the word “transparent” has twofold meanings. The first is, “fine or sheer enough to be seen through” and the other is “free from pretense or deceit.”
In the context of building trust after an affair, transparency both means being free from any deceit or pretension by disclosing the truth to your partner and as well as being sheer enough to be seen by your partner so that he wouldn’t have to question anything. To minimize doing any suspicious act is one way that you can gain transparency.
There are five ways on how you can avoid these suspicious acts.
1. Stop Going Out For Now
The first way to decrease suspicions is to avoid late night outs without good reasons. Going out late with friends or with co-workers is not bad, but for the time being, it may not be a good idea at all because the other party might think that you are staying out late because you are meeting the third party. That’s why, to avoid any speculations. Come home early or, if a friendly dinner can’t be avoided, come home at a friendly hour too
2. Don’t Hide Any Mail
Since you are still building trust after an affair, hiding the bills or any other snail mail from your partner might not be a good idea as it can be a gesture that you are keeping something. So, to avoid any suspicions about “hidden” expenses, show him or her every single letter that’s mailed to your name.
3. Avoid Business Trips If Possible
Trips to distant places might be interpreted by your partner as a form of excuse so that you can visit the person with whom you have had an affair. For the time being, it is safe to stay at home with your partner and avoid business trips to distant places whilst you are working on building trust after an affair. Or better yet, take your partner along if possible. It both develops trust and gives you time to bond with each other too.
4. Don’t Keep Secrets And Avoid Lying
Keeping even petty secrets or small, innocent lies can be a form of behavior that’ll trigger a series of events which can cause you to go on a “relapse” or go back to what you’ve done before; which is a big no-no. Just always tell the truth to your partner, and telling the truth means telling everything too.
5. Never Say, “It’s None Of your Business”
The statement itself proves to be very suspicious. If possible, avoid these kinds of apathetic remarks such as “nothing” or “you don’t have to know” because it may trigger again another distrust issue against you.
Transparency is not about asking permission from your partner before doing anything, as like what a child does. Transparency is voluntarily revealing the information to your partner just like an adult. Always remember, being as transparent as you can be is a great factor in building trust after an affair.
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