Naked Conversations For Natural Business Attraction
You may be familiar with the Adam and Eve story. A blissful day in the garden goes bad and the great cover-up begins.
We’ve also found ways of covering up our truth by sending mixed messages, adding unnecessary data, and distractions. Clear communication becomes clouded when we use the fig leaf filters of justifying, evasiveness and rambling.
1. Justifying The recent marketing articles caught my eye suggesting that it’s no longer necessary to use your brochure to explain why it’s important to buy. If someone is looking to build a website, you don’t have to convince them that building a website is a good idea. They know it’s important, that’s why they’re searching you out! Simply tell them how you work and their next step. The old way of advertising was a well-established company telling us why we need their product. For example, if you smoke Marlboros you’ll be more appealing. If you chew Dentine you’ll get more dates. Most of us can tell the difference between someone trying to convince us and someone sharing relevant information.
Justifying can also come in the form of making excuses (maybe that’s where the term blah, blah, blah comes from). Rationalizing is often an attempt to hide true motivations. Listen when justification or rationalization creeps into the conversation and notice how you feel. Could there be a hidden message?
2. Being Evasive Have you ever asked someone a question only to have him or her avoid the answer? It’s a pretty good indication that something is being hidden. It can be blatant or subtle. I love it when I know exactly what I’ll be charged up front and have all the details on the table in advance. There’s a clarity and openness that doesn’t leave me guessing.
Lack of eye contact is another form of evasiveness. Sure, there are numerous studies saying if people are looking to the right it means they are thinking in the future, if they’re looking to the left, they’re thinking in the past. There’s something to this, but if people aren’t comfortable with eye contact, you can bet there’s something they’re trying to hide. It could be an attempt to coverup his or her insecurity or maybe they’re simply lying.
The opposite of looking away is the aggressive stare. If you feel this, pay attention to your intuition and do business with someone else.
3. Rambling Like eye contact, there’s a fine line between saying enough to be understood and saying too much. If people don’t tell you enough, what does that tell you? They might be withholding information or maybe they’re just insecure. We’ve also learned to mask insecurity by incessant chatter. Adding unnecessary information is like throwing a smokescreen over what’s been said to cover the vulnerable parts. Haven’t we all been around people (or been one) who ramble on too long? Pay attention to your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, move on! Support people who speak their truth by doing business with them and shun the ones who add to the collective cover-up. Building your business on solid ground and growing it to its fullest capacity demands this kind of awareness.
These are just a few ways we cover up when we communicate with each other. One definition of naked is “without covering or protection, lacking decoration.” Now I understand why I felt so uncomfortable around the glitzy dog and pony show power point presentations. Too much flash, do they just want my cash?
So, how can we be more naked and transparent with our communication?
1. Straightforward talk with words anyone can understand. Do everyone a favor and bottom-line what you have to say.
2. Learn to be comfortable with a pause in between statements. Try not to cover up the beautiful gift of silence. This gap, according to Dr. Wayne Dyer is where all potential lies. Give yourself and the ones you’re talking with a little breathing room.
3. Look people in the eye (without it being a stare-down.) Soft, comfortable connection with your eyes, while speaking and listening from your heart is the enlightened way to speak. People of some cultures believe that not giving eye contact is implying the person doesn’t exist. Don’t cover them up! Let’s recognize and really see each other. It’s possible to acknowledge someone without agreeing.
4. Be naturally fluid and flowing. The opposite of a rigid mind is someone who is present and speaks gracefully. There will naturally be times when you are excited and talk fast. There will also be times your speech is slow and contemplative. One-way speaking keeps the other parts of us under wrap.
By exposing our deepest and truest thoughts, we’ll earn the right to more business. It isn’t always easy when the rent is due and manipulation has worked so well in the past, but this is a new era. It’s time for speaking clearly, respecting people and building a strong business that lasts.
Pamela Ziemann has been coaching and training people for over 10 years in the area of speaking with their authentic voices. Sign up for her free e-course on “Answering Tough Questions in the Moment at http://www.OnlineSpeakingSchool.com. You’ll be able to think on your feet and say what you want in the moment with 6 daily lessons you can integrate into your daily life.